i don’t want to post a poem about my rape.
it wasn’t fun. i wasn’t happy.
and i don’t want people to infer too much.
i’m afraid of the consequences,
of who will act and who will stand by.
will i impulsively install a view counter on my site?
will i judge everyone who neglects to talk to me?
will i ghost everyone who reaches out?
i’m afraid of myself,
of my own memory.
is that really what happened?
is that overdramatic, out of proportion?
is that just inexperience and regret?
i’m afraid to hurt my rapists
like they hurt me.
can i make them hate themselves, each other?
can i make their allies scatter?
can i deprive them their community?
i had to write a poem about my rape.
it was relieving. it was freeing.
but i don’t want to post it.
10/25/24